The Cookie
by Imaginary1.x
Summary: Why Does Bella Have a Traumatized look on her face? Why Does She Have A Giant Cookie? And why is Carlisle Trying to Shut Her Up? Read & Review. Some Of them OCC.
1. Operation 'Shut Up Bella'

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Bella's Cookie**

**Summary: **Why Does Bella Have a Traumatized look on her face? Why Does She Have A Giant Cookie? And why is Carlisle Trying to Shut Her Up? Read & Review. Some OCC.

**Edward's POV**

I opened the front door of my house with Emmett & Jasper at my side. As the door swung open I felt my brothers and I stifle a laugh.

My beautiful Bella stood in the center of the lounge room with a bewildered, startled and traumatized look on her face. She also had a large choc-chip cookie in her right hand, which was raised up so it was three inches from her face.

My brothers looked at me. Emmett was visibly having trouble suppressing his laughter and Jasper looked like he was going to burst out laughing in a second. I chose to ignore this because truth be told, I was having trouble suppressing my laughter too!

Bella just stood in the same spot, not blinking or moving, and from a glance it looked like she wasn't breathing as well. I walked up to Bella at human speed, worried that any sudden movements might cause her to have some sort of mental breakdown. Perhaps it wasn't wise to leave her here while my brothers and I went hunting.

Once I reached my love, I asked in a calm and soft voice. "Bella, love, whatever is the matter?"

At that question Bella looked up at me with traumatized eyes. She opened her mouth as she began to answer and I heard her heart beat race. All of a sudden Carlisle appeared, ripped the cookie out of her hand and stuffed it into her open mouth. He then swiftly placed one hand under her chin and the other on the top of her head and forced her to chew.

My mouth dropped open. "Dear Lord Carlisle! What are you doing?!"

Carlisle froze and stopped forcing Bella's jaws up and down. He slowly turned around and looked at me with a childish look on his face.

"Er... Nothing!" He said protectively.

I shook my head. "No, Bella was just about to say something and you stuffed that cookie in her mouth to stop her!"

"Nonsense, she wasn't going to say anything. WERE YOU BELLA?!" He ended his sentence by giving Bella a hard glare.

Bella looked frightened and was having trouble chewing the exceptionally large cookie that she had been forced to eat.

"Carlisle Stop that now! Bella what were you going to say?" I questioned.

Bella, who still hadn't stopped chewing, took another look at Carlisle and her eyes widened. I spun to look at what he did, but it was too late.

With her mouth still full she said quickly. "Nothing, I wasn't going to say anything."

I sighed loudly. I heard a noise on the staircase and was shocked to see Esme looking de shelved walking down the stairs.

"What the hell happened??" I asked as Esme joined us.

A thunderous laugh filled the entire house. I spun to look at Emmett.

"I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!" Emmett laughed.

I saw a waving motion behind me so I once more turned back around.

**A/N: So What Do You Think? Should I Continue This One?? I sort of have an idea but sort of don't. Any Suggestions?? Please leave a review!**


	2. The 'Blue Squeaky Dog Toy' Plan

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Bella's Cookie**

**Summary: **Why Does Bella Have a Traumatized look on her face? Why Does She Have A Giant Cookie? And why is Carlisle Trying to Shut Her Up? Read & Review. Some OCC.

**Chapter 2 - **Blue Squeaky Dog Toy

**Esme's POV**

Emmett opened his mouth to continue, but I interrupted him, successfully preventing the big lump from blurting out what he _thought_ had happened.

"Emmett do be quiet, there's no use pretending you know what happened because you don't!" I snapped.

Dear God, this all getting out of hand over a little thing like Bella seeing . . .

**Edward's POV**

Damn! Nearly had her! I have to hand it to her; the old girl wasn't without her wit! Hmm, maybe Emmett's thoughts will shed some light into this strange situation. With another look at my love I noticed that she was struggling to swallow the enormous cookie. I shook my head and listened to Emmett's thoughts.

I gave Emmett the look which said 'Tell Me Everything You Know'.

_HA-HA my brother! Wait till you hear!_

I scowled at him. He always leaves me hanging on his every word when he does it like this. He leaves me with a cliff-hanger! Does it give him some sort of sick pleasure to do this to me?! **(A/N: It **_**is**_** fun to torment people like that -winks-)**

_Calm Down Edward! I'll tell you! You see, Bella saw Ca..._

**Esme's POV**

I saw the 'exchange' happening right before my eyes! I have to stop this NOW!

There is only one way to do this... It is horrible and fiendish, but no-one must find out what Bella Saw!

I looked towards Carlisle and he instantly knew what we must do. He nodded once, and I put our silent plan into action.

"I'M A BARBIE GIRL, IN A BARBIE WORLD!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Everyone looked at me horrified and poor Bella looked as if she was having a mental breakdown. Carlisle raced up stairs while they were all distracted.

As I finished my singing debut, Emmett turned back to Edward and was just about to finish informing him when Carlisle Pelted a Bright Blue Squeaky dog toy at Emmett's head.

It of course bounced off and Emmett looked at Carlisle horrified as if he had just been told that Darth Vader was his father!

Carlisle on the other hand looked like a maniac. His eyes were all squinty and he looked like he was going to burst out laughing at any second. Plus he had that smug look on his face that he always gets when he succeeds at something.

**Emmett's POV**

Jesus. Okay I can accept that he gets to boss me around. I can accept the fact that his word is law. But the one thing I WONT accept is Carlisle throwing A Blue Squeaky Dog Toy At the back of my head with a manic look on his face.

All of this because of Bella seeing...

**A/N: Okay That's It For This Chapter. Do you hate me again?! lolz! Another cliffy! Review! I want a few more reviews before I add another Chapter!**


	3. Good Clean Family Fun'

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Bella's Cookie**

**A/N: The song that gave me inspiration for this chapter is "The Cover of the Rolling Stone" by Dr. Hook. (I have no idea why lol.) Which coincidently, I do not own.**

**Summary: **Why Does Bella Have a Traumatized look on her face? Why Does She Have A Giant Cookie? And why is Carlisle Trying to Shut Her Up? Read & Review. Some OCC.

**Chapter 3 - **'Good Clean Family Fun'

**Jasper's POV**

I chuckled slightly at the scene that was unfolding before me. And to think Edward calls me the insane one, boy oh boy, if only he knew what Bella had seen. Finally the little human could finally identify as a Cullen and say that she had been emotionally scarred by Carlisle and Esme. This was just so good, it had to be fattening. I chuckled at that thought. I'm just a regular comedian lately... I might have to discuss that with my therapist next week. I chuckled again. Just when I thought that I had completely lost it my freakishly hot girl entered the room.

Alice smiled lightly and placed her hand in the back pocket of my jeans. "Hmm, who added embroidered that beautiful design on your jeans?" She said with a smile.

I nodded my head towards her and said, "Um Al, That'd be You of course babe."

She smirked and said, "Duh", before stealing a passionate kiss from me.

Whoa, I thought, she sure is feisty today... I like it. I smiled.

**Edward's POV**

Oh dear god, as soon as I heard Jasper say that my Bella had been emotionally scarred by my "mother and father" I knew exactly what had happened.

I couldn't help but scream at my parents, "HAVE YOU NO SHAME?? SUBJECTING MY POOR BELLA TO YOUR WACKY ANTICS!! I MEAN SERIOUSLY, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD OF CLOSING A DOOR?!"

Everyone in the room froze and looked at me. My poor Bella looked as though she was going to drop dead at any second.

"Edward, what the hell are you talking about??" Emmett said, looking confused. Then again, when is Emmett ever NOT confused - the dumb ass.

"I'm talking about the fact that Bella most likely saw them," as I said them, I pointed manically at Carlisle and Esme, "doing something that would not be classed as 'Good Clean Family Fun', do you understand now dumbass?!"

Emmett's mouth made a small "Oh" shape as he understood what I meant. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alice and Jasper slink off up stairs. "**Dear god, is everyone in this house sex-mad??"** I looked around to see everyone looking at me. Oh my, I hadn't meant to say that part outloud!

**Carlisle's POV**

Edward really needs to take things of this subject a bit better, no wonder he's still a virgin. I giggled. Esme grabbed my ass. Hmm, I should giggle more often.

_**A/N: Review! Sorry it took so long to continue, exams and writers block. Please Review to keep me writing! lol**_


	4. The Feather Duster

**Edward's POV**

With a smirk on his lips, Carlisle patted me on my shoulder reassuringly.

"Son, she didn't see what you think she saw. I promise." Carlisle said with a hearty chuckle.

I wasn't an idiot. What else could it have been? I opened my mouth to speak when Alice bounced forward, leaning up to Esme's hair and pulling out a small greyish feather.

I frowned in confusion. At the sight of the feather Carlisle threw his arm dramatically and collapsed to the floor. Bella on the other hand started giggling uncontrollably.

"Bella?"

Esme shook her head, pushing Bella back. "Pay no attention to her! She's gone mad. Obviously."

"How'd you get a feather in your hair? It's not like we have any feather pillows..." I said quietly trying to make sense of all of this, when I realised I couldn't see or hear Bella anymore.

Esme spun around and gasped. "Where is she?! CARLISLE!"

Instantly all eyes were on Carlisle, who was now lying spread eagled on the ground playing dead.

I felt a tap on my shoulder then something silky soft tickled the back of my neck. I froze in my place. A spider? MY GOD I HATE SPIDERS!

"What is that?! SPIDER!" I shrieked, stumbling backwards and tripping over Carlisle.

**Esme's POV**

I cringed when Carlisle made a sound like a wounded cat as Edward collapsed on top of him. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the man I married.

I was so caught up with the sight of Edward trying to regain his footing that I almost didn't notice Bella standing with _IT_ in her tiny hands.

**Emmett's POV**

Wow, I really am stupid. This was so NOT what I thought had happened. Poor Bella.

**Bella's POV**

Edward's afraid of spiders? Huh... Never would've guessed that. Afraid of sex yes. Spiders, no.

To be completely honest I was really craving another cookie... It tasted amazing... God I love cookies. Ooh maybe if I pretend to get all emotional again they'll give me another one!

"Esme..." I whispered, my voice shaking a little. Ooh, so convincing. Soon you'll be all mine, my delicious giant cookie. "Cookie?"

Her eyes narrowed. I took a step forward, holding _IT_ out towards Alice. If Alice knew, everyone else would.

In a flash Esme had another giant cookie held out in front of me. I snatched it from her, crunching on it's delicious chocolatey goodness.

A loud cough broke me from my cookie-daze. Edward was staring at the item in my left hand.

Edward was clearly confused as he spoke, "Bella... Why do you have a feather duster in your hand?"

_**A/N: Wow, I know it's been... What 2 or 3 years since I've updated? I won't drag this out too long, but the last chapter will be up in the next few days. Thanks so much for all the reviews and alerts etc. I hope I got back into the OOC that I did before - I haven't written humor since, well, 2009 really. Anyway, cookies for anyone who reviews :) **_


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